Sometimes it feels like my journey to healing and wholeness has moved at a snails pace. Had I known what I was stepping into that first night I ran away and stepped into a strip club at 15, I would have been running in the other direction. Maybe one day I’ll write about the years of deception that eventually led me into prostitution, but not today. I just wanted to write ‘into working as an escort,’ as if that would somehow defuse the horror that was my reality. The truth is, no matter where or how prostitution happens, it is dangerous, vile, and not at all glamorous.
Monday I crossed paths with this turtle:
I was wandering if it was an omen of sorts. The turtle is a symbol of peace and wisdom, steady effort and determination. I was thinking yesterday that it was God showing me I am moving forward; slow and steady. I definitely retreat into my shell often, but its okay! It is a powerful form of self-defense. The turtle has longevity because it has so few predators.
I spend a great deal of time alone. I believe my solitude has been God ordained for my protection, even though I have sometimes second-guessed myself about the emotional healthiness of this tendency.
If you receive my blog via email, you know that I posted and erased this yesterday. WordPress was glitchy and kept putting it up 5-6 hours in the past. I finally decided that I wasn’t meant to post it for whatever reason. Within an hour, I realized that the confirmations were still coming in. At someone else’s house I looked down and saw this turtle that I had never noticed before. I noticed it from this angle:
I was thrilled; picked it up, examined it, and couldn’t stop smiling. God was all, wink, wink, wink.
A bit later, I went back to take a photo of the turtle, and was super thrilled and impressed with God’s communication style for the day when I saw directly behind the turtle the goose. Remember the geese?!
You can read about the meaning of the geese here: https://desertroseinbloom.wordpress.com/2015/03/25/how-to-be-what-your-heart-longs-for-you-to-be/
God has been going above and beyond to reach me with Himself; love, healing, acceptance, and confirmations of my identity and new beginnings. Just last night, after missing our turn, putting us miles out of the way, my son Forrest and I realized God was having us drive back in the other direction to show us a beautiful full rainbow. This happened right after we saw 8 (number of new beginning) geese.
I often dream ‘as’ another person, assumingly so that God can reveal to me what a person is experiencing from their perspective. Last night in my dream I made a phone call from 3 years in the future to myself. Three in the Bible means divine fullness or completion. I wanted to let the person I was calling (myself in the present) know that, although I was in the future, I was simultaneously here in the now.
After reading the linked devotional (below) yesterday, I now see that I was actually dreaming as God; experiencing thoughts, feelings, and actions in first person. I know how I felt making that phone call. I knew that the person I was calling would believe me, that I was calling from the future, but also in the present now. I felt love and intimacy and trust towards this person. I trusted they would know my voice and believe what I said. “I am here now.’
…The mystery of God is not in what is going to be— it is now, though we look for it to be revealed in the future in some overwhelming, momentous event. We have no reluctance to obey Jesus, but it is highly probable that we are hurting Him by what we ask— “Lord, show us the Father…” (John 14:8). His response immediately comes back to us as He says, “Can’t you see Him? He is always right here or He is nowhere to be found.”
…I have to get to the point of the absolute and unquestionable relationship that takes everything exactly as it comes from Him. God never guides us at some time in the future, but always here and now. Realize that the Lord is here now, and the freedom you receive is immediate.
-Read the complete Utmost for His Highest (short) devotional here: http://utmost.org/don%e2%80%99t-hurt-the-lord/
Earlier this week I joined the porch party of my new neighbor a few houses down on my way home from a walk. Last night, his door was open and as our dogs were barking their greetings to each other we began chit chatting again. We ended up moving the conversation to the kitchen while he prepared his dinner. I couldn’t help but squeal with joy when I looked down on his counter and saw his new turtle bottle opener.
Without going into too much detail, I explained that the turtle had meaning to me at this time. He insisted that I keep it. Sweet! Not 5 minutes later I noticed his unique cheese grater.
God presented me with Four turtles. Four, those things that follow the revelation of God, namely His creative works; creation; man in relation to the created world.
I believe that many of the things that have been real to me in my spirit, visions and revelations I have nurtured through the years with prayer, fasting and faith, but that have yet to materialize into material creation, are going to begin manefesting materially.
What are some of the ways and things that God is encouraging you about in your life this week?
One hour later….I have been having a time trying to post this again today. WordPress keeps posting it 5 hours ago and if I try to post it immediately again, it sets it for some future time. I’m not sure if and when this will post but in the mean time I just opened the paper to find turtle number 5! The number of Grace. I know it is by the grace of God only that I will see my dreams materialize.