My Glimpse at true love

Originally posted on Desert Rose in Bloom:

For Winston, time could not contain the eternity that was in our hearts.

Today, I am hurting deeply and as I ponder the pain and tears start falling, my thoughts and heart turn to the past and the memory of a man I once knew, a man fifty years my senior, Winston. I’ve never written of this man before today, I’ve shared our story with relatively few people and even then, I have never before expressed the full extent of our connection, or his impact on my life.

I was twenty-four years old and had been a Christian only a few months when we met while I was taking a CNA training course at Alexian Village on Signal Mountain. Winston had been an Episcopal minister and taught theology at various universities prior to his retirement. He was suffering from advanced Parkinson’s Disease and had recently been moved from his Alexian…

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Following Jesus= Best Adventure Ever!

God writes the most phenomenal stories! Woohoo! Obedience to Christ has proven to make me more courageous then I ever could have imagined I could be. Even though I was one bold sinner, following Jesus is by far the more dangerous feeling path; terrifying and thrilling! But my oh my does He deliver the true riches of life to those that answer His call.

I have to boast in The Lord. He has chosen some crazy hard battles for me, and by His grace I come through victorious time and time again. Satan can kiss my toes, because under my feet is as close as I am going to let him get to me.

The Desires of Your Heart Will Come to Pass

Originally posted on Desert Rose in Bloom:

My Word to you today is abandon. Abandon your plans for success to Me. Show me that you trust Me by laying down your preconceived ideas about what success is. It hurts my heart to see you being so hard on yourself because of your perceived ‘failures.’ I know you better than you know yourself and I see your heart; your desire to please Me in all things. This desire pleases Me more than you can imagine. When a mother sees the effort of her young child striving in love and in a desire to please, does she resent or distain her children’s less than perfect efforts? No. Neither do I see in your earnest efforts to please Me any fault.

Daughter, abandon your ideas of what is beautiful. You have spent far too much of your life considering yourself of average beauty and judging your feelings of attractiveness by…

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Strip off Entanglements. Run to Win.

I talked with Forrest last night. He’s been in NYC for 11 days now. I got off the phone with him feeling extremely inspired to become even more focused on reaching my dreams, hungrier to stir up the passion in my heart, and eager to rid myself of useless or unnecessary entanglements of mind and body that serve to hold me back from achieving the things that God has placed in my heart to accomplish with my life. He is SO dedicated to becoming the best ballet dancer he can possibly become. He has gravitated to the 3 young men that are year round students at Ellison Ballet; they eat, sleep and breath ballet. When they are lucky enough to get a few minutes break between classes, (Mr Ellison often trains them right through their 10 minute breaks!) they don’t sit down, they go to the side of the studio and practice their turns; if the teacher is occupied with other students, they don’t take that opportunity to catch their breath, they practice variations. When they arrive home after class around 9, they watch better ballet dancers on youtube. Forrest has been working towards his dreams fulfillment like this for a good while, but his focus is being sharpened even further by the people that he is around right now. And when he isn’t dancing, watching dance, or discussing dance, he uses his mind to imagine himself doing dance moves that are beyond him at this point. I pray for this type of razor sharp focus and commitment in the areas God has called me to serve. And the grace and strength to strip off the things that so easily entangle so I can run my race with endurance. image Note: Forrest is doing a summer intensive at Ellison Ballet in Manhattan for 6 weeks this summer. We are believing he will be asked to stay for the year round program and that God will provide housing for him. I am staying in Charlotte. I am loving my new job, although it is not without some serious challenges. As I settle into my new life, and get a new routine in motion, I hope to blog more often. I am still reading blogs a couple of times a week. Miss and love you all!

‘But He Isn’t Wearing Any Clothes At All!

I was so proud of my 18 year old son’s reaction to the Supreme Courts ruling on same sex marriage yesterday. He was shocked and disturbed by the amount of people on his Facebook praising the decision. I didn’t fully know what his convictions were about this issue until yesterday. He has always had gay friends and has not had a judgmental attitude towards them at all. He even becomes defensive if he perceives anyone else has a critical spirit towards them.

Not long ago when there was a gay pride parade gearing up to march through Uptown, where our church is located, Forrest said to me that we should hang a big sign across the doorway that said, ‘God Loves Gays.’ His heart of love and acceptance challenged me to examine my own heart, as I was feeling a bit resentful. His sentiments revealed the hardness in my heart; I repented.

Having convictions and wanting to see the laws of our land reflect God’s heart and intention for humanity does not mean that a person is full of hate or intolerance!

Forrest’s life reflects this truth.

He wanted to post his belief on the matter with the plethora of opposing beliefs on Facebook and wondered aloud if he would be given the same kind of respect, free from judgmental attacks, that he gives others.

I pray for him growing up in a society that embraces other people’s ‘personal truth’ as ultimate Truth.

When I first went back to college ages ago, I got a part in the play, ‘The Emperors New Clothes.’ I played the emperors wife.

In the story, a king was duped by two thieves who pretended to weave magnificent new clothes in exchange for gold. The tricksters claimed that only those that were unfit for their position, stupid or incompetent would not see the magical clothing. While checking the progress of the garments, the kings officials pretended they saw something lovely to avoid being thought incompetent.

In turn, the king, not wanting to appear unfit for his job, and full of pride and fear, put on the non-existent clothing and praised them. Everyone oohed and aahed as he strutted by, parading his nakedness in the streets.

No one dared to speak the truth. Until one young boy stepped forward….

At the audition I asked if my son Forrest, who was about 5 or 6 at the time, could perform the role of the boy in the crowd. He got the part.

I see now it was a prophetic foreshadowing of how God would use Forrest to step out boldly and shine a light into the darkness; to speak the truth when surrounded by a generation that is being deceived into believing a lie, or claiming to believe it for fear of being bullied as a ‘bigot’ or fool.

…The one boy in the crowd stepped forward and proclaimed, ‘But he isn’t wearing any clothes at all!’

In the book, the Emperor cringes, suspecting the statement is true but carries on with the procession, even when others have begun voicing their agreement. However, in the version that we were a part of, the Emperor and other characters realized their pride and foolishness when the truth is spoken and praise Forrest’s character for his honesty.

The truth proclaimed leads them to repentance and deliverance from fear.

The king swooped him up, placed him on his shoulders, and crowned him king (giving him authority to rule) as we all paraded him around the theater hailing him the new king.

I suspect this alternate ending is a prophetic announcement of the call of God on Forrest’s life. It will not be for nothing when he steps boldly forward as a champion of truth, not in judgement, but with purity of heart; captives will be set free; lives will be changed; people will willingly give up their rights to rule their own lives and submit their lives to the Word of Truth.

God Really Is Enough

If you think God will never walk you into a fiery furnace; into trials and situations that rip your heart into shreds and leave you reeling in agonizing pain with no apparent end to your suffering in sight, your wrong.

It’s no wonder people turn their back on God and misunderstand Him. Even after having spent countless hours, days, weeks, and years at a time basking in the light of His Presence, thinking myself fully convinced of his love and care for me, ever so often the weight of my yet unanswered prayers and my prolonged hope deferred crashes over me like waves, suffocating my already dashed hopes until what remains is the deep realization that I have not surrendered all.

I come to the place where I see that although I refuse to totally abandon my faith, for a time whats left of my faith is utterly useless to convince me that God really is good. I know self-pity is pointless and does nothing to assist one in rising above the harsh circumstances they may find themselves in. I know its wrong and pointless to despair, to focus on my own pain when there are so many others hurting without hope, but today I can’t bear to walk through on more day of submissive acceptance of God’s will. My heart has been revealed and has come up wanting. God is not enough for me. He’s just not.

I started my new job today, It took a Lot longer than I could have ever imagined for this door to open. I know this job is a blessing from God but this afternoon a cloud settled over me as I pondered another area of my life where I have been waiting and had my hope deferred.

I have been wrestling with God some lately and have come to realize I am not 100% submitted to His will.

-Diary May26th, 2015

I have had a ‘whirlwind of change’ these last several weeks off the blogosphere; highs and lows; faith soaring and then souring; been blessed by doing a moral inventory of where I am in some areas of my life- I’ve still got a ways to go ya’ll.

I knew that I was finally being placed in the job I have been waiting/praying for when, during my 3rd and final interview with an organization, I spotted a giant turtle shell and a large turtle figuring in the office of the executive director that was interviewing me. You can read about the significance of the turtle here:

Several days later I noticed a turtle sticker on the file cabinet in my new office.

Today I feel grateful that I am moving forward, even though I am only slowly plugging along. The new beginnings that God has been speaking to me about have begun materializing. I am hoping to find my groove in my new responsibilities and busier schedule and begin blogging more regularly soon. Good things are happening and even greater things are ahead. God’s revealing and removing what is no longer necessary in this new season.

In letting go I find again that God really is enough.

Even though many would never admit to themselves that on some days they didn’t feel like God was enough, let alone put it into words on paper, their attitude and choices would prove this sentiment to be true in their lives as well, at least on occasions.

God help us to examine our hearts and lives for any ungratefulness, addiction, fear, worry, or ways in which we seek to control our lives and the lives of the people around us.

Touch and heal our hearts and use us to bring the comfort and healing we have received from You to others.

God gave me the photo in the header through a friends fb page during my first week on the new job. I knew it was a representation of how He would use me there. You can read this post to make sense of it if you haven’t already:

Come Away With Me

No judgement. No fear. No dread. No doubt. Walk in complete confident assurance of My sovereignty in your life and in the world around you. No chaos. No rushing. Sit with me in heavenly places. All rest. All trust. Give up your need to control and question. Focus your eyes on the cross. Remember that many things are not as they seem. I am setting the stage for new life. I am the Master Builder. Your view is limited. You are but one part of the whole.

There are blockages baring the flow of your purpose being fully realized and accomplished. Let nothing impede your progress. Let go of things that are behind. Keep your eyes on the prize. Bury your talent no more. Banish all thoughts of defeat and condemnation.

I died to take away the sins of the world. Take your eyes off of sin and place them on Me and the finished work of My cross; sin will lose its control over you. I died to set you free. You are free. Walk in freedom by casting out thoughts and reasoning that contradict the Truth of My Word. Stop listening to the voice of the accuser, whom seeks to infiltrate My Kingdom by retaining or gaining ground in the hearts and minds of those that I have called redeemed.

There is no lack. There is nothing to worry about. Pray. Trust. Obey. One step at a time. One day at a time. March forward taking authority over everything that I have given you. Claim. Claim. Claim. Do not give up one inch of ground in your heart to the enemy. Your heart belongs to me. Believe this. When thoughts arise that do not spring from the fruit of my Spirit; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, know that you are dealing with arsenal from the enemy of your soul, or your own flesh, and cast them aside quickly.

Breathe deeply, inhale the depths of my love for you, and for the world, and release yourself, others, and the circumstance of life, into my hands of grace and justice.

Take time apart with me to rest. So many of your problems stem from your refusal to care for your mind, body and spirit through proper nutrition and rest. Realize I do not begrudge you what is your need. I am a Good Father and delight to give My children what they need.

Rest and be refreshed.

If you feel your energies are depleted, rest. If you believe you do not have time to take care of yourself in this way, you are not living the balanced life I desire for you to live. I long for you to walk with me in peace and quiet confidence. A harried life, full of responsibilities and duties, must include ample times of rest and play. If you do not believe you have time to spare for yourself and nurturing your relationship with me, you are spending time doing some things I have not asked or required.

In the same way I have created your body to benefit from times of fasting; resting your digestive system. Seek Me for guidance on the length and type of fasting from food that I want to use in your life. You will be blessed and become a greater blessing to others by this discipline I call my disciples to practice.

Come away with Me.

Learn to receive from the storehouse of my goodness every day. Stop anticipating failure and defeat.

I Am.


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