One of the awesome benefits of being hurt deeply and repeatedly for extended periods of time is that you begin to come to the point where the pain does not matter so much anymore.
You begin to realize that self-pity is pointless and exhausting. All that heady compassion you once heaped upon yourself you discover is meant to be doled out to the ones you can be sure ‘know not what they do.’
If you’re having a hard time understanding the heart wrenching things that God allows in your life and can find no point or explanation, you can be sure that if you hang on to your faith that God is good, and love, and life, and that there is no darkness in him whatsoever, your eyes will eventually adjust to see him in all things.
This is the key: See God.
He’s there. He’s right here with us in this messy, sinful, beautiful world.
When we see him clearly, pain has no power over us.
I am becoming more like an observer in my times of agony. I am not in denial. The pain is real. It sometimes weighs heavy on my chest, making swallowing, even breathing, a laborious thing.
But often I am sheltered from the pain altogether by the deeper reality of the sheltering arms of God. The pain, which once sucked me into the depths of despair, becomes more like a….
Lost my train of thought as I had to give Forrest a ride. In the car I was explaining how God was using some prolonged painful experiences to grow a new superpower in me; the ability to receive complete supernatural healing.
I went on to say I was like the Wolverine; the bullet enters the flesh but is quickly dispelled, flesh instantly remade.
He responds with, ‘You are nothing like the wolverine! I can look at you a certain way and cause you pain. You’re a delicate little flower!’
He’s right. Somehow, I am both.
It’s a complete contradiction I know. I possess the qualities of both a ‘delicate little flower’ and the steel, impenetrable flesh and healing powers of the Wolverine.
Here’s the deal. Sometimes there is a process I must go through. Often quick, although at times I’m taken out, down for the count so to speak; hope seems lost for a time.
Even the Wolverine has experienced his super healing powers being weakened during intense, repeated attacks after evil had planted a parasite within him to suck the life out of his heart.
Truly, it is the hidden and unconfessed sins left festering in my heart that weaken my ability to withstand the outward attacks. Repentance and allowing God to root out the sin in my own life renews my life and fills me with the joy of the Lord which is my strength.
When we allow the life of Christ within us to flow unimpeded by unconfessed sins, healing flows.
How easy it is to forget that life isn’t about us. This life is a blink of the eye. We have to remember that our choices in this life will matter in the life to come. We have one go round with this thing. Lets press in and live life with the end in mind!
I am passing through the fire. I will pass through. I will come out on the other side refined; pure gold. Not even my clothes will smell like smoke.
I am toe to toe with Satan. He will not defeat me.
The only thing that I need to control is myself. The thing that needs to be conquered is my own sin.
I see the world pointing fingers, wailing and raging against the sins of others. I too have been guilty of believing if others would just get it together it would end suffering.
We have it all wrong. Jesus died to set us free from sin and stripped sin of the power to harm us.
The kingdom of heaven is within us. May we all focus first on applying the cleansing blood to our own temple and dwelling daily in the holy of holies with Christ within our own hearts.
Only then will our lives radiate light. Only then will our existence bring healing to those that come into contact with us.
Only then can we enact any real change on the world around us.
As Christ is allowed access to our whole lives we walk this earth full of his virtue and even our shadows will hold power.
This is my vision.
This is my hearts desire.
I want to be alive and on fire for Christ alone.
Whatever it takes, create in us a clean heart oh Lord and renew a steadfast spirit within us.
-September 18, 2014
-Photo from wallconvert.com